THIS WEEKS TOPIC
Yay or Nay?
What do YOU say?
I spank. But not all of my kids. It actually depends on which kid, and what they have done, that determines whether or not they will get spanked. Let me explain:
My oldest got her first spanking when she was 2. She pulled away from my hand and ran out into a parking lot as we were leaving Target. I dropped my bags, grabbed her up, and swatted her once on her bottom. My reasoning was simple; I wanted her to associate this very dangerous behavior (which, of course, we had spoken about before, and she knew was wrong) with pain. Because being hit by a car...is painful. More so than that spanking, I'm sure. Ally never ran out into a street/parking lot again. Danger=pain. Simple concept for a 2 year old to understand, and it works for us.
Let me explain what I mean when I say 'it depends on the kid'. My 7 year old does not get spanked. At all. I have spanked her in the past, but each time I did it, I ended up feeling extremely guilty afterward. Why? Because that child never, ever does anything wrong on purpose. NEVER. That time she wrote on the wall in blue magic marker? It was because she heard me talking about painting my walls, and she wanted to save me some time. My 4 year old, however, drew on the walls because she resented the fact that I put her in time out for drawing on the cabinets earlier in the day. And she will admit it. "I drew on the walls because I was mad at you." Spanking.
Yeah, yeah...I hear it coming. Some of you will disagree. What did I teach her by spanking her, right? I've read the articles. Spanking encourages violence, it makes your child fear you, yada yada yap. Well, guess what? I was spanked. And I love my momma. I do not fear her, I respect her. And I think I turned out kindof alright. :)
Besides, do I want my children to fear me? Kindof. What I really want is for them to respect me and my authority. But when you are 4 years old, it is very difficult to understand respect. I mean, REALLY understand it. So, yes, I guess I am OK with them fearing me...for now. I am OK with her fearing the consequences of her deliberately disobeying me. Note: I do not spank for mistakes. I do not spank for misunderstandings. I spank my kids when, after we have talked about it, I understand that their motives were to harm...they understand why they are getting spanked, I understand that they understood what they did wrong.
I had a conversation about this topic with my mother-in-law. She is Kittician,(from St. Kitts) and raised 14 children. (Yep, you read that right.) And guess what? She spanked them ALL. None of them have ever been in trouble; they are all gainfully employed, homeowners, married with children, and positive contributors to society. And they all love her to pieces.
Some kids don't benefit from spankings. My oldest would learn from a time out. My 7 year old benefits from a good 'talking to'. The baby? Oh that child. That child is as hard headed as they come. She will flicker the lights on and off in a room, and when I tell her to stop, flicker them again and run...covering her behind. She will intentionally break her sister's toy and run, covering her behind. She knows WHY she gets spanked, and WHEN to expect it. But then again, it doesn't appear to work very well. My husband does not spank. But when the baby gets in trouble and gets spanked, her only fear is "Please don't tell daddy. He will be sad at me." His disapproval is more frightening than my spanking. Go figure.
Do you spank?